This one is dedicated to Her….
I have spent the last 24 hours thinking about this post, how to format it, how to write it and what to say. There is so much I can say about this, but it will get sooooooooooo boring, the subject I want to chat about is Therapy.
Recently I had a conversation with someone, it went something like this:
Me ” I have just finished reading this really good book about therapy, I highly recommend it”
Her ” Na, I don’t really believe in therapy for adults, you can always speak to a friend, rav, or your husband”
Me ” hey, don’t knock it till you try it”
Her ” well, a person only needs therapy if they have really bad emotional difficulties”
Me “ok, whatever” ( yup- great comeback I know)
I am a proud therapy goer for approx 15 years, ( yes I must have so many deep, crazy, psychological issues). I believe that everybody should have a therapist, and THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. In fact the opposite, a therapist, in my humble opinion is the same as a dr, just for the mind.
It happened on Friday that I cut off a chunk of skin from my thumb, now a well meaning friend happened to be in the house, try as she did we could not get it to stop bleeding, I texted my friends and family in a panic, whilst blood went everywhere asking what to do, yet it still did not stop bleeding. So I called Hatzola (the jewish paramedic service), the Hatzola guys are all trained and know exactly what they are doing… my point… all the well meaning friends, all the concerned family could not help, only someone trained with knowledge of the issue managed to fix it. Should it not be the same with emotional issues, which in general are so much deeper and have more impact on our lives then a cut thumb.
A quote from the above mentioned great book I recently finished ( Therapy Shmerapy by Mindy Blumenfeld) the quote is not exact as I do not have the book with me, she writes of a scenario, a young newly married couple are having issues with financies, they can not seem to agree how to mange their money, so they pop along to their local friendly Rabbi/priest/Iman/ bar man/ Scientology leader / postman … for a chat. He advises them how to open up joint accounts, or how to save their money, they leave big smiles on their faces, all is peaceful. A week later the couple come back with another issue they cant agree on, and so it continues. The Priest /Rabbi … ( You get the idea) try as he may can not get to the bottom of the problem, and may realise that there is something far deeper then not being able to sort out financies or how to run their home. For the deeper, root cause of the issue they need to see someone who is trained to do exactly that, get to the bottom of the issue, someone who knows through her training what to ask, what to do etc.
A friend, no matter how close, no matter how deep your friendship Has her own views and can not be objective due to her relationship to you. Do you really want to discuss matter close to your heart regarding your children, husband/ partner, family, knowing that she will come in to close maybe daily contact with all those people?
A few years ago, I met a family relative, he runs the Relief organisation in Canada, he said something that I found to be so on the mark. Whilst talking about therapy, he said “we have come to a point where people would say without shame that their child is in therapy, hopefully in a few years we will come to a point where people could admit without shame that they are in therapy”
So why the shame? why the secret? Think about what therapy enables us to do, it enables us to delve deeper in to the workings of our mind, it frees our thoughts from the prison it can create for us, it opens up a deeper understanding of our relationships, and our daily struggles. When a person takes the step and sees a therapist for whatever reason, she should never be ashamed, she should be proud, proud that she is seeking the answers, proud that the anxiety, the depression, the fear, the suffering she is experiencing is going to be explored. Proud that she refuses to sweep the issue under the carpet. Proud that she will become a deeper friend, a more loving wife, have more patience, time and love for her children or co-workers.
Before I end this to long post I want to slip in a few words about my therapist… if there was a way of making clones, there should be a clone of her in every town in the world. Once a week I sit in her room, it used to be the big room with the amazing mirror which looked like a hundred shattered mirrors put back together (oh I do miss looking at the mirror…to me it represented what therapy is) but now we are in the smaller room, the cosier room, with the walls lined with holy books, the bottle of water I know will always be there even though I never drink, the tissues which I thought I would never use (how wrong I was) Often my eyes scan the books, and I wonder, does she think I am being nosy, I am not ( really …I’m not) I sometimes find it hard to meet her eye, as I am afraid of what I may see in them, but in reality all I have ever seen, is care, concern and the want to help me be a better self.
My therapist has been the oxygen where there is none. She has been the sun, straining to be seen through the clouds, she has been the home where I can park all my worries, all my fears, all my doubts. She has gone above and beyond for me, she has shown me that I am a person of worth, a person who has something to contribute to society. She has seen me cry, cry in a way that I never dreamt I would in front of another person. She has seen me at the worst of times, and never have I felt judged by her… shouldn’t we all want such a person in our lives.
To all those people who say “I don’t need therapy” “only people with no friends, family etc need therapy” “therapy is for people with severe emotional issues” this post is for you. YOU are the ones that need it the most, because you are missing out on changing your life from a shallow, false living to a real, wonderful and deep life.
And so, to my lovely therapist this post is dedicated to you.
lots of love